Clear the debris from the riff-raff and the shortsighted chaff
It’s been placed on your path, but you do the math
You are in charge of what dirties your glass*
What I said.
Clear the debris from the riff-raff and the shortsighted chaff
It’s been placed on your path, but you do the math
You are in charge of what dirties your glass*
What I said.
How many ways or times to origami soggy tissues into shapes, my final effort to create order out of chaos, that I can remember doing forever?
For those who hold me (here), I thank you. You will never know how much your love means to me.
<3 <3 <3
This post may be unpopular. Mostly with myself, but others may find it boring and annoying, too. How many times can we talk about ethnic issues?
I just became an aunt. And he’s the sweetest, cutest little burrito ever. And: He looks “so Asian“, according to social feedback.
He looks like my sister, who’s also half-Asian, like me. His father’s “white”, but them Korean genes iz strong, dig?
So, he’ll grow up hapa. Mixed. Other.
And I find him so beautiful… Probably how my parents saw (see) me. And a part of me hates that he’ll ever be asked “What are you?” (Yes.Really.) “Where are you from? I mean… No… Where are you really from?” (Van Nuys. Where are you from??) “What’s your ethnicity?” (What the hell is yours and why does it matter?)
There’s nothing quite as alienating as those questions, even from unsuspecting, inquisitive people. Because over and over they were asked in a manner that suggested I didn’t belong.
The truth is, on more than one occasion, when my sisters and my Dad (white) have been out, stupid drunk guys have winked at him like “Hell yeah. Gettin’ that hot Asian game on.” WITH MY FUCKING DAD.
I can’t begin to explain how disgusting this feels. Nor how belittling.
I guess I can at least say that my little nephew is a boy, so he will dodge those “yellow fever” assumptions.
I told you this post would be unpopular.
I hate that I’m even thinking this. It makes me want to murder all of society, in order to prevent this precious little being from ever being confronted with the things I was in my lifetime, simply because I was different than what you see in the movies.
I don’t have an answer. Except LOVE.
I LOVE this little guy. I pray that the world is different enough today so that no one ever asks him what he is. His parents are stone-cold killas, so I’m sure he’ll grow up with an answer that will shut a mofo up. Like I did on many occasion.
Where am I from? Planet Earth. Where the fuck are you from?
And, you know, my sisters have a very different take on this whole thing. It’s probably because neither work in an industry/capacity so intent on categorizing them, based on their looks. But, for whatever reason, this has been my path. So I’ma keep making movies until people stop thinking it’s so weird to see someone who looks different from them.
I’m looking at you, Ignorance. And I’m coming for you.
When I move, it’s always a chance to look at the nooks and crannies of who I’ve been, which invariably means reading through my past writings. While I do my best to remain positive, personal writing has tended to be me feeding the dark dog. My good friend and amazing astrologer, Angel Lopez recently made a point of reminding me that this inner darkness must always be expressed. How I do that is up to me. Maybe I’ll keep writing fucked up feature films? o.O The alternative is scraps of thoughts in little books and papers here and there that, when I find them, make me want to give myself a hug and shake myself and say, “Relax! It’s not so fucking serious!!” [But, you know... It is. Maybe not "serious", but Life is important. Isn't it? The objectivist would say it's all there is, so F yeah, it's important.]
So, I found this little booklet with ramblings. All super emo. Here are a few choice ones…
i’m singin into the carpet again
don’t know how, don’t know when
i let the madness settle in
drinking tears for dinner
until it’s not a sin
everyone’s a thunder
a phoenix on the rise
chasing their own danger
plotting their demise
is it any wonder
the angel closed her eyes?
i’ve figured it out
this mathematics of tears
fragile hearts are broken
then mended by our fears
to who you used to be
bring your pink balloon
you’re looking in a mirror
no one in the room
the things they stole from you
they know not what they do
you’re twirling like a flower
growing into you
And then this note to self:
maybe I should do like Johnny Depp. write it down and never read it again.*
Good idea, Alyssa. Or, you know, just read the last page and leave it at that:
*Johnny Depp, apparently, doesn’t watch any of the movies he acts in. He says he does this because his job is done when he’s done acting, and it helps him avoid being self-conscious on future jobs.
Viewing the world through symbols can be, at times, a lonely perspective to hold. But, every now and then, I come across an other who sees what I see. And, in that moment, I see my default vision as a SuperPower, as opposed to a negative mutation that is to be corralled into a Life More Ordinary.
Because I can’t help how I see things, perhaps my journey is to find those others who see Reality as I do, and, at the same time, to allow those who do not see the same, the space to exist, to their capacity. No harm, no foul. Infinite diversity necessitates all expressions.
This will feed to other social media, and I wish I could remember how to turn that off :/ Alas, I cannot. So everything gets this. Oh weo.
“Life is here to Love you. But you have to show up with your party dress on.” – moi
Alyssa Lobit Penned Among Friends Film Set For Summer 2013 Release
Scribe Lobit Also Stars as Bernadette in the Comedic Horror Flick http://www.AmongFriendsMovie.com
Los Angeles, CA (March 11, 2013) – Among Friends, a horror comedy about a dinner party gone horribly wrong penned by Alyssa Lobit and featuring Alyssa as Bernadette is set for a summer release by Lionsgate Home Entertainment (US) and Anchor Bay (Canada). (Scene from Among Friends at: http://youtu.be/sNGYmSqoqgY)
Grindstone Entertainment acquired the US rights to the Three Little Birds Productions’ which marks the directorial debut of veteran scream queen Danielle Harris (Halloween, The Last Boy Scout). Set against an 80’s themed party as the backdrop, in the film, the “good times” take a decidedly dark turn when one in the group hijacks the evening in the name of “integrity”. The movie stars Christopher Backus, Jennifer Blanc, AJ Bowen, Dana Daurey, Brianne Davis, Kane Hodder, Kamala Jones and Chris Meyer, as well as Alyssa.
Regarding the film, her script and role, Alyssa said, “Writing Among Friends was challenging because it’s basically about the dark side of human behavior, and I try to go in extremely deep when writing. It’s always fun to see how my words get translated to screen and the response I get when people find out I wrote it, because it starts out fun and devolves into a terrifying carnival ride. They definitely look at me sideways after seeing it, especially because my character, Bernadette, is so twisted! I just smile and say that everything I write is based on a true story. In one way or another, I suppose it is. I don’t think anyone will be showing up to any of my parties for a while.”
Alyssa Lobit is a triple threat… actress, writer and filmmaker. She’s an Academy Nicholl Fellowships Quarterfinalist with the award-winning indie drama THE THINGS WE CARRY (http://www.TheThingsWeCarry.com now available on iTunes), placing in the top 5% of 5,050 entries in this prestigious screenplay competition. THE THINGS WE CARRY marked her debut as both writer and lead actress in a feature and went on to screen at 18 festivals, including Boston, Hollywood, Atlanta and Wisconsin, winning several awards at the Wild Rose Independent Film Festival (Best Feature, Best Actress, Best Screenplay), Best Narrative at the Flyway Film Festival and the Audience Award at the San Francisco United Film Festival.
Lobit made her debut as a director and producer with the comedy ONE MAN’S TRASH, which won the Los Angeles Flickering Image Film Fest and was a finalist in the highly competitive Indie Producer Contest. She has received critical acclaim for her stage performances, including recognition for a standout performance in the World Premiere of SLOW BOAT and an LA Weekly nod for her performance in NIGHT COIL. She has appeared in several short films that have screened and won awards at festivals across the country. She graduated cum laude from U.C.L.A. with a B.A. in English. Among Friends is Alyssa’s second writing/acting feature endeavor.
Among Friends is executive produced by Jay Lobit (Three Little Birds Productions) and William Allison (Hollywood Treasures, Inc.). Producers are repped by Jennifer Gray and Elsa Ramo. Alyssa Lobit is repped by Adam Trahan at Artist International Management.
See Among Friends in summer 2013 on DVD, cable,
VOD & streaming on Netflix, iTunes
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1024762/ – https://www.facebook.com/TheAlyssaLobit
https://twitter.com/alobit – http://instagram.com/alobit
# # # #
Contact: 323.788.0741 and Handsonpr@aol.com
The internets have expanded emotional experience. #Like away, baby. Me, too. What are we left with then? Whoever, where-ever, we occur… right Now. As diluted as that will be, for our expenditures, which do Matter. Our spirits are infinite; Our human bodies, our human capacities, our earthly interactions? Time will tell.
Your thoughts, they are beauty-full
of the Divine within;
Your heart, it is magickal
heals Original Sin*
As ever, the word is here. These words. Consistent companion, unflinching even to the touch of my firing fingertips.
I have hurt people, in ways that I have been hurt, after vowing to not ever create that kind of expression in the face of another upon hearing my words, resultant from the verbal daggers I throw to cut to the truth. It will never feel right, cutting that way, and yet there is a compulsive (com?)passion which overtakes me, a mission to unleash demons, that they may devour the fear bred by polite correctness, by pretense. I am in this world, but not of it, and there is no more clarity of such than when in conversation with some earthling I love, when life itself is at stake. “Life” being aliveness, awareness, awakeness. My fierceness stems from the unlikeliest of places, this (in)human heart [*in a human], the one that pumps blood through me, and invariably onto any who would stand before me and pretend not to know that the forming of the Universe occurred via the very same explosive nature of creation, complete with bang and scattering of shrapnel known more commonly as stars. We — or, more and more, I — understand that Love is all ways the basis, the intent. Therefore to hear it from any other Source is at once confusing and disturbing.
There is a chance that the cosmos understands, as it is the collective child of such chaotic, Loving explosion. And this is why I will always hug the sky, and feel like I am going home when I keep my head up*
it’s been a loooong time for one of these, but vintage throwbacks serve a purpose.
so here it is, what i iz learning’d:
that i am not always right, and that sometimes, i soooooo am. that breathing is usually a good answer to any question. that my soulmates are anyone i’m talking with. that sometimes i pop into a new reality, and only some people look familiar, but all of us are here to be fulfilled… to enjoy. and those no longer here are simply showing up in different configurations (read: values). that snow and open, wide plains are the reboot. that when i look at the sky, i feel less alone than ever. and sometimes the sky looks like the eyes of a child, or an adult with child* that laughing loud and laughing often is the old school way: how else can we surpass our greatest “defeats” with an eye toward what must become more? that pinwheel cookies are snacks, and meals, too. that Godliness is alive and well. that the wee hours are here, waiting, for someone to listen. and that, yes, completely, we are here to THRIVE <3
She eats everything with a knife and fork, as though it’s the finest steak. Watermelon. Peanut butter jelly sandwiches. I asked her why, and she responded “It makes everything feel a tad classier.”
I love you…
ya just gotta go deep. and it’s not always the prettiest picture on the wall, but it is definitely art, because it is an expression that could not have existed any other way.
now, i realize that i can sometimes live for long periods of time underwater and that it’s a good idea to come up every now and then. but, did you know that human civilization knows more about space than it does about the earth’s oceans? i believe in this AND that, not this OR that, so we should explore in both directions :) inward forever, outward forever.
on another note, i wonder what the world would be like if we replaced the word for “God” with “Life”. in fact, go full monty and replace all of these types of words with “life”, i.e. All That Is, Spirit, Allah, Buddha, Source, even Nothing. IN LIFE WE TRUST. well, do we? do i? pray to Life, ask Life for help, get pissed at Life, return to Life, let Life take the reins, believe in Life. hmmm. that last one is interesting. belief in life makes my brain fold in on itself. whether or not i believe in it, it’s certainly here. i’ve explored “reality” from so many perspectives, and the last one i landed on is on a post-it (where all major revelations go): “this is as real as it gets.” that’s to say, even if all of this is a hologram, or an illusion, it’s still what’s happening, what is being.
i’d tweeted this thought, but no one reads those, haha (not that anyone reads this, but i digress), so here it is again. what if the first breath was an exhale, not an inhale? when i breathe this way, everything changes. well, to be more precise, i change.
enough rambles for now.
[this is an old draft i decided to publish after all. still applies.]
we kiss all these people in hopes that we will ever feel like we are kissing ourselves.
(march 20th, the “birthday”)
the thing is
and will forever remain
that words keep me company
they are touchstones
and fortune tellers
they are blankets
they are what i lean on
when there is nothing left
when there is only possibility
a path of breadcrumbs
leading me back
something to hold on to
and something to look for
they are the tunnel
and the light
waiting like children
raising their hands
hoping i will call on them
they are the intersection
and hoping to know
and for that
will always remain
my most divine lover
they speak to me
when no one else will
and i hear them
when everything else
words, they are forever
an expression of self
at my fingertips
another dance around the sun
and here i am
waiting to be done
[wow, that was a little dark. at least i'm still dancing around the sun. the time to worry is when i stop dancing.]
(note to self, from another date, but how i feel today)
choose the beliefs that you prefer and like, because they feel good, better, best. reality is relative. there is no reality that is any more real or valid than another (Bashar). there is no question that you feel best when thinking and believing in a certain thing (TUT). therefore, choose that. because there is no answer that is definitive, except for that which i choose. even if it is a coping mechanism, so is anything else. there is no REAL, real-er reality. there is no absolute TRUTH, except that i am here. beyond that, is my choice, as even that is.
the first time i saw this photo, i was a very different person, in a very different place. seeing it now reminds me of how different i am. it asks me how different i am. i love it for different reasons. and some of the same reasons, too.
Cast and Crew screening was a huge success! Thanks to all who helped make it happen :)
The new site is up, too! Pics will be up there shortly… But here’s one I love! That’s my dad snapping a pic of us. Papa Razzi! Fun night, thanks all~
I’m thick in the middle of post, nearing the mix for Among Friends. Also been moving forward in development on It’s All Love. With no time to spare to even go to the grocery store or bathroom half the time, I figured now would be a good time to finally get One Man’s Trash up on youtube ;) I guess I’ve been thinking about my roots as a filmmaker… and needed a good laugh. Maybe you do, too. Enjoy!
ONE MAN’S TRASH: A look inside the lives of yard sale fanatics.
Written and Directed by: Alyssa Lobit; Produced by: Athena Lobit
Starring: Cami Black, Eric Espinoza, Donna Grayson, Chris Hink, Dagney Kerr, Tom Jermain, Alana Lobit, Alyssa Lobit, Jason Stiff, Renee Weltzien and introducing Chantlo the Chihuahua.
Inspired by life and Christopher Guest, Best in Show, Waiting For Guffman and This Is Spinal Tap.
This was the first short I shot with the Canon XL1, after tearing through Rodriguez’s Rebel Without A Crew. It’s fucking hilarious. I’m not bragging about my skills here: The actors really brought life to these characters and a lot of the script was improvised. It really deserves to be a feature length film. But let me finish up a few things first…