Monthly Archives: January 2011

what i have been learning / mash-up

back, once again, with the ill behavior (D for Damager, power to the people). this will be lengthy, as it’s been a while and i’ve been alive the whole time:

that when i talk out loud to myself, sometimes i answer back with sharp wit and humour. that spelling “humour” like that just feels classier. that as much as i stay out of politics, i will sometimes scream “BRING THE BOYS BACK HOME” at the top of my lungs with tears streaming down my face. and in that moment, my heart swells with love and hope that one day we will. that sometimes the best thing to do is drink straight from the bottle. that leetel things grow stronger and healthier when greeted with a song of “good morning sunshine” and a smile. that a desire is a decision, and that no belief is any more real than another, nor is any “reality” any more valid than another.

that i do not learn well through struggle and that’s just the way it is: i wasn’t built to, deal with it. that carrot cake for breakfast is delicious. that my soul-mates are on the ride, too, and at least it’s fun to look over and laugh as we all say “what the–??” that anything is like driving stick shift: at first it doesn’t make sense and is difficult, but eventually i’m multi-tasking without a second thought, throwin the mofo into neutral and coasting to the stop.

that life is a romance… some days i’m the boy, some days i’m the girl. that the past changes, depending on who i am in the present. thank god. and that music is still my hot hot sex.

[that i should remember to hit "publish" or things like this will languish as a draft for a month. hah. still learning'd.]

and insomniac ramblings from right now:

when i look into a cat’s eyes, i love them so and want to have them around
and there is science which backs up the healing a cat’s purring brings, google it if you must (25-50 Hz)
and i know their sweetness and playfulness and eternal regality
and want it around
until i imagine having a cat again
trapping them in my apartment like a fucking caged animal
how sad they would be
how sad i would be if i were them
and then i zoom back to the present
and i’m still looking into the cat’s eyes and it is saying to me
and i actually hear that in my head telepathically from the cat (even if the cat is in a photo)
and i nod and agree
i will wait until i can be like the real-life ‘witch of positano’ was with her dogs
all the animals roaming free
including me

(roaring looks the same as yawning)

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. . .

she moves like the trees
in a forgotten breeze
holds herself up
limbs bent at the knees
and what of the fallings that nobody sees
it’s never enough, this infinite tease

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